


A Shinsengumi Morning

by plague_ofdogs



Category: Gintama
Genre: Anger, Anxiety Issues, Gen, Short Drabble, Stomach virus, genitalia mention, gosh man remember when gintama was fun.., i hate sougo he sucks, implied konhiji probably, obnoxious assholes, shinsengumi antics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-14
Updated: 2016-03-14
Packaged: 2018-05-26 15:22:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6245017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plague_ofdogs/pseuds/plague_ofdogs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hijikata musings feat. a morning where he gets very angry. Also, Sougo is obnoxious as hell and Kondou is completely useless--which is canon.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Shinsengumi Morning

Toshirou Hijikata liked routine: neatness, order, cleanliness. For example, he always carefully washed his hands after urinating, unlike Sougo—who would rub his fingers over the bathroom floor in full view of Hijikata, before walking out wearing an exasperatingly serene smile.

There was so little in his control. Hijikata had practically free reign over hordes of Shinsengumi men and attempted to regiment their daily lives with remarkable adroitness. But despite his best efforts, the chaos inevitably reappeared—ready to surge up the moment he let down his guard. Kondou himself was a perpetrator of this chaos, if not the perpetrator: disappearing for hours to stalk that Shimura chick, coming home late speaking nonsense about the course of true love, etc., covered in nasty bruises and bumps.

Once, when Hijikata was suffering from a stomach virus and could barely move, he’d dared to sleep for half an hour past the official wake-up. This had been when he was new to Edo and still relatively hopeful about his ability to succeed there. When he finally did awaken, he immediately sat up, ramrod straight. His throat felt truly disgusting, and his head was foggy and feverous. His entire body felt weak, reminiscent to the time Sougo had put rat poisoning in the morning eggs-and-mayonnaise. He lay back down, head throbbing, before stiffly rolling off his futon. The blanket were sweaty and damp—he tried to ignore how gross the residual sweat felt on his body. Hijikata tried to dress quickly, struggling with the then-unfamiliar (and obnoxiously stiff) necktie.

(Kondou had insisted, pantsless, that the necktie would “…make the Shinsengumi look distinguished, Toshi! We need to command respect!” When Hijikata replied that wearing pants might accomplish the same effect at less cost, Kondou ignored him)

After hastily performing his daily hygiene, Hijikata staggered out to the yard. He foolishly expected his troops to have assembled already, and at least have started the morning practice.

Instead, a nearly empty yard greeted him. Yamazaki and that one guy whose hair looked like Kim Jong-Un’s were playing badminton energetically in one corner, while only nine or ten other men lounged around. At least half were eating ravenously: either gorging on vending machine snacks or finishing breakfast, illegally spirited out of the cafeteria. Most of the men were peacefully talking and laughing, enjoying the weakly shining sun. Sougo was, as typical, nowhere to be seen.

The Commander himself was practicing some sort of unrecognizable sword lunge on the porch, stopping now and then to offer unhelpful commentary to Yamazaki and beam at the Kim Jong-Un guy, who appeared to be winning the match. Kondou looked happy and enthusiastic, also typical. Hijikata stumbled nearly to the opposite porch before he completely lost his composure.

“ASSEMBLE DAMMIT, COMMIT SEPPUKU YOU FOOLS! BASTARDS!!!” He screamed at the men, lurching onto the porch.

Kondou looked especially radiant this morning. “Toshi, I think I may have gotten a date with that girl over at the curry shop—TOSHIII! What is it?!?”

Hijikata gritted his teeth and reached in his pocket for cigarettes that weren’t there.

“Why is everyone lounging around like idiots?? The Shinsengumi must have order if we are to succeed—“ He ranted for several minutes before stopping to breathe shakily, then intensely barked, “Kondou-san, I myself will commit seppuku if I ever sleep in again!!”

Kondou frowned.  “No need for that, Toshi—I already started them with the morning exercises.” He gestured to where a Shinsengumi member was doing yoga. Next to the yoga-doer, another man was standing on his head, his face red and serious, his yukata flipped upside down to reveal a striped thong.

“Not that kind of exercise,” Hijikata exclaimed helplessly, blushing angrily at the be-thongéd man’s easily viewable genitalia. “STOP!!! STOP!!!” He screamed, flailing his arms around. Kondou stared affectionately at Hijikata as he continued to rant and rave.

 

* * *

 

 

 

Eventually, the morning exercises did get done, but only after several dozen new rules had been added to the roster. Hijikata also managed to confiscate several illegal Jumps he noticed sitting, as if they’d been recently thrown there, in an empty bathroom stall.

(Sougo didn’t show up till nearly 2 PM. He instructed the first division to go practice stabbing dummies for three hours and then “he’d check up on them.” He himself lay down in the communal room and played smartphone games for two hours before taking a refreshing nap. Hijikata nearly burst a blood vessel when he found him at 5:30 PM, charging his cellphone in the one electrical outlet located in Hijikata’s bedroom.)

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! :D


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